Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
