You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
