I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
