a queef is a wish your heart makes.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
