we're chasing vodka with high fives
ugly people sure do ruin things
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
