I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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