As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
