Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
