i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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