The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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