All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
