last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
