just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
