And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
