i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
