I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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