i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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