Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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