He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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