not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
