you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
