i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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