His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
