vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
