i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
