Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
