so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
