I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
