I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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