I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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