Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
