Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
