Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
