About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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