After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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