areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
