We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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