Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
