its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
