Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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