Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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