I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
