I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
