My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
