I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
