I'm laying in your front yard are you home
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
