I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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