me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
