He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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