You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
